DEAR PHILLY (GOD DAMNED)

DEAR PHILLY: It just hit me! What if all those people are right? What if there IS a God? -GOD DAMNED.  

DEAR GOD DAMNED: Oh fuck, I know I know! The older I get, the more fearful I am of that very thing. And if you’ve been paying attention then surely you realize that anything and everything is possible in this fucked up thing we call "life". Every single morning of my life, I wake up knowing only the following: I don’t know anything, I don’t understand anything, and from the looks of things, I never will. I mean I’m fucking 41 years old now! ME! How the hell did THAT happen? All I do is grow dumber, dumber and dumber each day. So anyway, let's say I somehow slip through those pearlies. I mean, fuck, man, now I've just gotta keep all this shit going? I've gotta keep talking to people, I've gotta keep trying to remember their names, ask them how they're doing, pretend that I care? Don't get me wrong, I really do wish people well but, you know, the thought of having to continue on through eternity with all this fucking bullshit,... I don't know, man, at least in hell I doubt you're expected to participate in much conversation. Yeah, sure, I know there's supposed to be a ridiculous amount of pain involved but after a while, maybe you'd sort of get used to it ya know? I hear pain can actually be a good thing if you use it right, if you're able to focus on it in some sort of Buddhistic type of way. Basically, I was really looking forward to just dying and everything being gone, totally gone, POOF, nothing but nothingness. I couldn’t imagine anything more lovely than to never have to think another thought ever again. I don’t know about you but I’m fucking tired, man. I mean, all these things we do, it’s just so goddamn degrading. It’s like here in a minute I’m gonna have to go upstairs and take a big shit. And then I’m just gonna have to wipe whatever’s left from my itchy asshole. It never ends. But then a little while ago, I was driving with my son and out of nowhere he said this to me: “Daddy, Daddy!" and I said, "What, buddy?" "Daddy, I’m gonna take your eyebrows off and we’re gonna get new ones from Target. They’re gonna be like Mommy’s eyebrows.” He’s just the funniest person I have ever met in my entire life. So, you know, it’s shit like that that makes it all worthwhile. So just hang in there. I mean, what the else can you do? My guess is that if there really is a God, he’s gonna be FAR more lenient than people think. And if not, well, then FUCK HIM! NEXT!!!!!!!!!!