Phone Conversations With My Mother

"Oh, Philby, that's disgusting! You're not supposed to talk about your penis with your own mother!"

"Haha. Hey, remember when I was all fucked up and traveling around and I used to call you and tell you it was all your fault?" 

"Yes. You still tell me it's all my fault."

"Well it is, isn't it?... Hey, were dad's balls as small as mine?"

"Good gawd! I don't remember. I don't want to remember. You're terrible!" 

"Hey, remember when Granddad caught me on the bathroom floor trying to suck my own penis?" 

"PHILBY! You're making that up! That never happened." 

"No, I'm not. It happened." 

"You lie all the time."

"No, I don't!"

"Philby..."