The Manatee

See, man, now tell me, how fucking hard was that, huh? I mean, come on, man. Ya know, I just don't get it, it's like you just don't wanna listen, it's like you refuse to fucking listen. I keep telling you, it's always there, something's always gonna be there. You just gotta relax, you gotta look behind your eyes. It's like I said, it's like a stew, ya know, a big pot of stew, it just keeps boiling down. It gets thicker and thicker, more and more rich. All you gotta do is dip your spoon in there and see what you get. People just, I don't know, they just don't wanna think about it, ya know, they don't have time to think about it. It's understandable, ya know, I mean, I get it, life gets in the way. It's overwhelming, you gotta focus on the now. It's hard, man, life is fucking hard. It's nearly impossible to see through the storm. And, you know, maybe that's okay? Ya know, for them, it's okay. Maybe they think about things just enough, enough for them and their journey, for their lives? But look, man, what we're talking about here with you is different. It has nothing to do with them. I mean, this is no fucking joke, I'm telling ya, man. I mean, you've gotta start taking this shit seriously. You gotta start respecting it. You've gotta get it through your head that you're not like them and you're never gonna be like them. You're in an entirely different world than them. Nothing they do will ever work for you. Ever! And you've gotta do it, man, once and for all. You gotta be all in. And it's life and fucking death, man, just like their lives are. I mean, seriously, man, you got a kid now! You're running out of time, you're running out of chances. This shit doesn't come easy. And let me tell ya, it's gonna give up on you, man. Just like that, it's gonna give up on you and it's gonna be gone. Poof! And then what? Then what are you gonna do? I'm telling you, it knows, man, it knows. It doesn't fuck around. And it's certainly not gonna waste much more time on you. But just think, man, I mean, what more could you want? What more is there really? What more is there than to to try to remember, to try to understand? I mean, come on, man, the Manatee, I mean, are you fucking kidding me, the FUCKING MANATEE! I mean, how easy was that? That fuckin' shit-brown Oldsmobile Cutlass Salon. I mean, look what that can lead to! Let's try this agin. Just say it out loud- "the Manatee". I mean, shit, man, you've GOTTA be feelin' that, right? Yeah, man, now it's happening, now it's starting. There you go, you're starting to see things, right? It's really amazing, it just gets clearer and clearer. I mean, how could anyone ever get tired of this? See, now you're in a different state, a totally different reality. This is where shit happens. You've got something now, man, see, it's definitely starting to happen. Now I know you hear the tv down there. Your boy's watching cartoons. It's morning, Sunday morning, Superbowl Sunday. Oh, shit, that's right, you've got people coming over. Yeah, you're probably right, you're wife's not gonna let this go on for much longer. But let's not think about that right now, let's just see what we can get going here. Let's focus in on it. Okay, okay, there it is, there you are. You're standing outside the house. 1016 Ranch Road North. That's right, Altus Oklahoma, baby! Look, your mother's there. She's wearing cutoffs. Look how alive she is, how beautiful she is. Hmmm, ya know, I thought she would already be looking a little sick by this point. Damn, it's hot as fucking hell! Your brother's there too, that fucker. The grass is all dead, it's all yellow and brittle. You can feel it crunching beneath your feet. Why didn't they take care of it? Didn't they care? And there's that crooked mail box across the street. Didn't your father build that? Sure, yeah, he must've, he built the house, right? You look up and see one of those big ol' C-5s. It doesn't even look like it's moving. You want to see it roll and head straight for the ground. You want to hear the boom, you want to see it burst into flames. You will it with your mind but nothing happens, nothing ever happens. Oh, wait, here they come around the corner past the Garrison's. Hey, whatever happened to them anyway? Do they still live there? God, that car, it's even uglier than you remember. Who first called it the Manatee anyway? Oh my God, look at your mother. Haha. Look at her face. She's in shock! Holy shit, check out your brother, look at that fucking asshole. He's fuckin' lovin' this shit! Man, this is so damn funny. They're rolling into the driveway now. Your sister's waving, smiling. She's so sweet and pretty. The car ticks and then your father kills the engine. He steps out. Fuck, he's younger than you are now! He's got three kids. He knows how do shit, he understands things. Look at that confidence! You're sister gets out. She's all excited. "Do you like it, Mom?" she asks. Your mother looks at your father. "Hey, Becky picked it out," he says with a laugh. "But really, it's a good car, it's a real good car." But everyone knows the deal. Everyone but Becky. It was the cheapest new car on the lot. It was one of the worst selling Oldsmobiles in history. It was that fucked up back end. Who the hell would design such a thing? The Aeroback they called it. But you see, your father had to get a new car. You guys were about to go on that trip to Florida. And it was all because of you. That time your father found you crying in the corner of the garage. "Philby, what's the matter with you?" he asked. You couldn't even say it, you were so embarrassed to even say it. You didn't want him to feel bad. You've always been that way, even as a little kid. You'd been looking through those felt green photo albums, the ones with all the pictures before you were born. Everyone looked so happy. They were taken in all these wonderful places, places you had never seen. They lived in many of these places, your mother and father, your brother and sister. They lived there without you, before you were born, before you came along. They seemed happier then, and the places where they lived and visited were beautiful, exciting, amazing. Hawaii, California, New Mexico. There were palm trees and beaches, mountains and forests. There were Christmases and birthdays and parties and there were pictures of your family camping and hiking and stopped along some highway somewhere on their way to some place you would never see. But THEY did, they saw it, they saw it all. And you, you had never been anywhere, nowhere. Well, your father did drive you guys once to Maryland in the dead of winter to see your grandparents for Christmas. I guess that was something. But you were too young to really remember and now that you think about it, that was fucked up crazy ass shit how your father rigged up that heat system in the camper to keep you guys warm in the back of that little Chevy Luv pickup. I mean, could you imagine someone doing that now, driving across the country in the middle of winter from Oklahoma to Maryland with three young kids bouncing around in the back like that? But all you wanted was to see things, to go somewhere, that's all, to do some of the things that they had done. And when your father caught you crying in the garage and you started to explain this to him, you really thought he was gonna be angry but strangely enough, he wasn't, he wasn't at all, he actually understood, and he said, "Alright, we're gonna take a family trip. What do you think about that?" and so he planned out a trip, a trip to Florida, to visit some relatives and go to the beach and you were so damn excited, it was as if the whole world had been turned inside out. You were going to Florida with your family and you couldn't wait, it was like there was nothing else, nothing but the trip, and then that day came when your father loaded up that ugly car and everyone was so happy and it was even funny when everyone got in the car and your father said, "Alright, kids, here we go! We're on our way to Florida!" and he turned on the engine and all of sudden the fan belt started screeching like hell, so loud you could barely hear anything else, and your father left it running and got out and went into the house and came out with a green bar of Zest soap and he opened the hood and you couldn't see him anymore but then all of a sudden the noise stopped and he slammed the hood and got back in the car and he put it reverse and said, "here," as he handed the bar of soap to your mother, "put this in the glovebox, we're gonna need it"... Oh, okay, yeah, I know, I can hear her too. It's okay, man. I mean, you can't blame her. You guys have a lot of shit to do today. And it was your idea to have people over for the Superbowl. But hey, look, man, I told you we could get something going here right? See, I knew you could do it. It doesn't even have to be all that much, really. Just some little thing like this, something true, something authentic. The point is, you've gotta be there for it, that's all. You've got to respect it. That's right, "you've got to answer the call". Like you just did. Good job, man! Now keep it up.