TIM

Tim looked at his toes as he laid on the couch. He looked at his right big toe in particular, the one that had been giving him so much trouble. There didn't seem to be anything wrong with it. The toenail didn't look ingrown. There was no redness or swelling or anything. "Hmmm," he thought. He then tried to think back to a time in his life when his mind wasn't completely preoccupied with the idea of killing himself. But those days were just so long ago. So much had happened that the effort became too frustrating. He heard a text come through on his phone. He thought about getting up to see who it was but he didn't. He knew soon enough, one way or another, he would. It wasn't the sadness anymore or the pain and confusion. He had gotten used to the absurdity of life and he was truly not the least bit interested in any answers. He was simply exhausted. He was tired of all the sounds. He was tired of having to wipe his ass every morning. He was tired of lusting after women, of masturbating. Even fucking was just animalistic and stupid. He felt ridiculous eating. He hated putting his shoes on only to eventually just take them off again. He hated brushing his teeth, finding clothes to wear, finding his car keys. "Why the hell can't someone just place a bomb in my car so I can blow up?" he thought, "like in the movies". Problem solved. No more anything. He was still on the couch when his girlfriend, Kara, walked in the door. "Why won't you answer your phone? I've been calling and texting." They stared at each other for a moment. "I can't believe you're still on the couch?!" she yelled. "I know," he said, and he let out a long fart. "You're disgusting!" She went into the kitchen. "You couldn't even clean the kitchen? Jesus, Tim! What have you done all day?" Tim thought about it as he looked at his toe again. "My toe really hurts," he said. Just then, he heard the mailman lift the metal lid to their mailbox, drop a bunch of mail inside, and slam the lid back down. He cranked his head around and through the window, watched the mailman walking away down the sidewalk. His legs were skinny and white and Tim really liked his socks.