YEAH, MAN, I KNOW

"You're talking about America's Funniest Videos?"

"Yeah."

"You said AFE."

"I said AFV!"

"You just said it again."

"No I didn't! I said AFV, Veee!... Hey, when did they stop calling it America's Funniest HOME Videos?"

"Yeah, I don't know, a while ago?"

"Why do you think they changed it?"

"I don't know, Google it. It's probably got something to do with everybody having camera phones."

"Hmmm. Yeah. Anyway, it's like totally fucking genius, man. I mean, most of the girls in the audience are like 14, 15, maybe 16 years old. They got 'em in these tiny ass skirts with their legs crossed way up high. You know, it's not like Hee Haw or something where the man at home is supposed to be lusting after the girls. I mean, they had real women on that show; it was all out in the open. Man, my father used to watch that shit religiously. And he hated country music... But this is so perfectly manipulated. For one thing, most women would never think that her husband would be sitting around, laughing with his family while at the same time he's trying look up all these young girl's skirts. Ya know, she wouldn't even want to know that. And if she did look over at him and get a weird feeling about it or something, he could just turn it around on her like: "Really, Kim? You think that's what I'm doing when we watch that show... with our KIDS? Nice. Most of the girls in that audience are like what, 14, 15 years old? What kind of monster do you think I am? Jesus!" And so the man gets away with it without any grief. It's like totally safe. And the family gets to spend quality time together which is good. And some of those videos are pretty fucking funny. We watch that shit all the time. And then the girls, ya know, and their family, I guess they think they might actually get discovered or something just for being on the show. I'm sure they would never think that there's a million middle aged men out there raping them with their minds. Everyone wins."

"Dude, you're seriously fucked up."

"Like you don't think these things are discussed in meetings? Are you kidding me?"

"Hey, man, listen, I gotta ask you something. What's with that shit you were saying on FB the other day?"

"What shit?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

"No, I don't."

"Look, man, I'm just telling you right now, you can say whatever you want on there, but if I see some shit we've talked about on there ever again, you know, I'm not gonna be hangin' out with you much. I mean, if Laura saw that shit, there's no way she wouldn't think that was me!"

"Oh, THAT shit! Yeah, sorry, man. I just, you know, I just fuck around on there. I try to fictionalize everything. It's like, you know, I just..."

"Yeah, man, I know."