Night Cap 8/30/12

I've got too much embedded in my brain to be any use anymore. I've got M.C. fuckin' Hammer shufflin' around up there, Everybody Dance Now. I've got T.J. Hooker, BJ And The Bear. I've got Flavor Flav, hell, I've got Bobby Flay and Mork And Mindy and the goddamn Banana Splitz. Aunt Jefuckin'mima, total eclipse of the heart. nigga please. Looks like we got ourselves a convoy..., CONVOY. Oh, I love a rainy night. Greensleeves and didn't Olivia Newton John loose a tit? think of all those bands, all those stupid fucking bands, White Snake, Tesla, Def Leppard, fucking Skid Row. jesus christ, did we really listen to that shit? I've got beheadings, Morley Safer and goddamn roller derby chicks. my sad limp dick hanging between my legs in the locker room. Mrs. McKee. shit, I forgot about her! my first real sexual longing. there's E.T. and Sigmond The Sea Monster, Smokey And The Bandit. Conway Twitty, Barney Rubble, the mini series, Shogun. My mom making popcorn. Did Larry Meadow's dad really shoot his toe off? "Becky (my sister) showed her titties to David!" I've got a years worth of boogers stuck on the wall. I pissed on the carpet in my closet because why? nigger knocking, dead dogs and rattle snakes, horny toads and toenail clippings. how long ago did the shuttle blow up? the first one? shit, either one, hell? did 911 really happen? does it matter? men nodding alone, thinking alone, thinking, my god, I'm all alone, I'm fucking all alone, shit! my fridge light burned out today. I should really replace it tomorrow. that'd probably be a good thing to do. that'd make me feel like i did something. I'm tired of tying my shoelaces. I'm tired of wiping my ass. I need to buy new socks and probably some new underwear while I'm at it. oh, fuck, what does it all mean? there's a goddamn Hormel pork tenderloin in my fucking freezer. should I thaw it out and cook it tomorrow? what about Food Inc.? I'm a fraud, a lazy fraud. no conviction, no substance. is it really 2:02 a.m.? Am I really me? Is anything anything? I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Wiener and HR Puffin' Stuff and the boy in the bubble and wrestling practice and goulash and that hole in my mother's hip and why didn't they tell me anything, why didn't they care? toothaches and new ones to come. soon I will probably get the hiccups again, an eyelash in my eye. there'll surely be a strange pain in my side. my brother used to lay in bed, reading the guinness book of world records every night. where are all my army men? how many goddamn gummy bears have I eaten? remember those candy wax teeth? what about the little soda bottles? Dip N Sticks? did you hear Scott fingered Amy? goddamn this world, this cruel rotten world, this endless gauntlet we run. I once fished beneath the rocks at Lake Altus on a boat with my father. he used to take me to get a hotlink in Snyder. It was our thing. He breathed hard out of his nose and I smelled him always and thought of him as something to consider, that there were things about him I had best pay attention to. we drift towards it, getting tired along the way, feeling the energy fade. I hear it now, the falls, like a dream so calm before we awaken into the violence. it is an unjust world, a blitzkrieg. goddamn it, my sweet little boy. goddamn it, the flowers and the bees and the clouds and us watching them. goddamn it all! we know nothing, absolutely nothing, and nothing we should. good night.