Stop Doing That!

‎"Stop doing that! There's something wrong with you."

"You have no idea. I saw this bus crash on there last night. Oh my God. I'll never recover. It was in like Mexico or Columbia or somewhere."

"You're an idiot."

"I know, I can't stop. Remember when I was on my beheading kick?"

"You're sick. You have a child now."

"You don't understand. I have to. What do you think I'm looking at when you're watching Good Morning America? It's the only way I can stomach this shit. It's incredible though. Until you see it, you can't imagine what actually happens to the human body."

"But then your sister liking Target, THAT'S what disgusts you!?"

"Oh my GOD! That is just so fucked! I can not accept that. I saw three people like Target today! How the fuck do you LIKE Target? Why do you NEED to like Target? What exactly is it you like about Target? Do you like their clothes? Their kitchen items? Do you like their lighting? The staff? Their carts? Well, they do have the best carts. But I mean, think about it. Seriously, you'd have to decide, yeah, ya know, I DO, I DO like Target, and then you'd have to drag your cursor over there and click on it. That is just so fucked up!"

"And that offends you more than a beheading?"

"Yeah, it does." 

"There's gotta be a reason. You know, Like us on Facebook and you'll get a 15% discount."

"Oh, really?"

"I don't know. Probably."

"Oh."