Leonard

By now his anxiety was such that Leonard began to slow his sipping of his beer for he feared not only the interaction that would surely take place if the ditzy young bartender were to see his empty bottle upon the bar but even more unimaginable than that would be the simple act of standing up and having to walk himself over to the door. The bartender came near him and began pouring a draft and after stealing a quick glance at her magnificent tits, he looked down and picked at the wet paper label of his beer as he cringed inside at the thought of having to suffer again hearing the sound his own voice if she were to ask him if he needed another. Just then the door opened and he heard her say: “Hey, Mike, did you get me some gum?” and he looked over and saw the hipster kid with the beard waltzing in as he peeled away the transparent wrapper off of his new pack of American Spirits. It was only then that Leonard realized the kid had even been gone and the sight of him alone was enough to bring back the anger which had earlier kept the anxiety at bay. Anger was good, he had only recently decided, at least for him. He had a curious mind and had gone through life trying always to understand rather than blame. But, of course, when it came to people, there were too many variables to ever come close to an understanding. People had secrets, secrets you could never know, and over time he had begun to realize that more often than not it was these secrets which fueled the very behavior he had been trying to understand. Much of this realization had to do with the falling out he had had with his best friend, Ron. Some issue had arisen between Ron’s wife, Susie, and another wife which in turn engulfed Leonard’s wife along with many others and by the time Leonard began to realize that his wife had been right, that the situation would inevitably affect his friendship with Ron, when he finally asked Ron to get together for beers to discuss the matter, it became stunningly apparent to Leonard that though they dismissed the whole fiasco as a ridiculous misunderstanding and for the most part talked about other things, something unimaginable had happened, for reasons he would never fully understand, his friend sitting across from him was no longer his friend and never would be again. It was towards the end of their conversation when the full reality of this hit him, when Ron regurgitated a statement which had obviously been programmed into his mind by Susie. It had to do with Leonard’s overall character, about how he had always tried to understand rather than blame. Ron said: “You know, Leonard, I always thought you were so strong, the way you are always able to forgive. But I don’t think that anymore. I don’t mean to offend you, but now, I actually think you’re pretty weak. Susie’s right, man, you’re always playing the victim.” Leonard simply nodded his head as he thought about the words and the many painful instances in the past which Ron was obviously referring to. Even when Leonard responded, he responded in kindness and understanding. He said, “Well, I can sort of see how you would think that.” But as time went on, Leonard found himself thinking more and more about those words, and for the first time in his life, he began to get angry, truly angry. Leonard’s eyes followed the kid as he tossed the pack of gum on the bar. “Thank you, sweety,” the bartender said. “No problem,” said the kid. And then the kid began slapping the pack of cigarettes against the palm of his hand. Leonard used to do this too when he used to smoke. He felt it did make a slight difference in the way they smoked. But the kid just kept doing it, over and over again- SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK... Finally, the kid stopped. But then he turned the pack over and started doing it some more. Leonard had to look away. He chugged down the remainder of his beer and placed the empty bottle in front of him upon the bar.