PIPE DREAM

I'd give anything to own a little gas station/convenient store out in the middle of nowhere near some dried up old lake somewhere with one beat up old pump sticking right out of the dirt. Actually, the store would simply be the front portion of my house, an extension of my living room, where I'd be sitting half asleep, reclined in my big old Lazy-Boy, watching the Price Is Right or old reruns of Magnum P.I. or Roseanne. I'd sell cigarettes and beef jerky, strange looking fishing tackle, some sort of live bait, but I'd always be out of the live bait. A couple sleeves of Saltines, a few bars of candy, Snickers, Mars, a couple of KitKats, an assortment of Lifesavers, and the only gum would be Big Red and Juicy Fruit. There'd be some other odds and ends, a lone box of bandaids, tampons, a plastic comb, toilet paper, paper towels, paper plates, some diapers, toothpicks, plastic utensils, condoms, a jar of instant coffee, sunscreen… Everything would be dusty and most of the packaging would be old and faded. I'd have a regular old fridge in the corner filled with Coors and Budweiser, bottles of Coke and Fante and A&W Root beer. At the top would be a tiny little freezer compartment filled with Icy Pops. So anyway, if this dream I have were to somehow come to be, and if for some reason you wound up there and you needed to stop in, whatever you do, do not let that screen door slam. The sign will be right in front of your face: "DO NOT LET THE DOOR SLAM!" For God or somebody help you if you do.