Thursday, January 10, 2013

I FUCKING LOVE IT!

     No way, man, I fucking love it! I love it all! I love John Mayer. I love Carson Daly. I love that coked up Ty dude. What's that show, Extreme Makeover? Lou Dobbs, Jay Leno, Kelly Ripa. Oh, man, could you imagine having to deal with that little beast?! I bet her turds look like marbles. Don't you think that's who should've played Tom Hanks's role on Castaway? Hey, did I tell you I saw the Oak Ridge Boys the other day on Diners Drive-Ins And Dives? I sure did! My man, Guy, was down in Nashville, checking out some middle eastern place. Ricky Skaggs was there too. He has long hair now. It's all good, man. Alicia Keys was on Good Morning America the other day. Yep, that's right, she was singing that goddamn New York song again. Man, do yourself a favor and Google the lyrics. Wolf Blitzer, Burt Wolf, Katie Couric. Mike Wallace and Andy Rooney in the same year! Anderson fucking Cooper, man! Could you imagine his apartment? I mean, just the bathroom alone. Not a Cue-Tip out of place. Oh, man, I love it all so much! I'd watch Fox News every night for hours at a time if my wife would let me. Don't think I haven't paused it many many times on Hannity's head. That part has me mesmerized. I tried to capture it once with Henry's crayons but it didn't come out very good. He brakes all his crayons in half. QVC, The Christian Network. There's no end to it. I sometimes watch The Voice just to see those creatures whip around in those stupid fucking chairs the way they do. Isn't that that fucker from Maroon 5 that's on it? I met that asshole once. We talked for a long time. It was years before he "made it". We were at a party together at some squat house on the lower east side. C-Squat they called it. Man, that was some crazy shit! You ever go there? People actually lived there! I watched a pitbull nearly bite a girl's cheek off! Anyway, I remember standing there, listening to him talk, thinking how much I would enjoy shoving a long screwdriver up one of his nostrils. I haven't seen that show, The Middle, but it's gotta be terrible. Two Broke Girls, Boardwalk Empire. What a hunk of shit that is. Game Of Thrones? I mean, that's just gotta be the worst thing imaginable. How many homeless people could you feed on that budget? No, just put it right over there on top of all the other shit. Nothing upon nothingness. Another Judd Apatow movie? Good, great. Yeah, no, I'll probably watch it. "Hey, what's your favorite batman movie?"
     "None of 'em. They all suck."
     Hey, did I tell you I've lost my taste for bananas? I've always loved bananas. What do you think it means? It's really got me worried. What does any of it mean? I haven't had a sip of alcohol since New Year's and I'm more drunk than ever. I started working out again. I'm eating right, I started running. I went up the mountain last night. I've even been doing my yoga where I invent the moves while listening to my Tibetan monk chant shit. The Lama's Chants: Songs Of Awakening, some dude named Lama Gyurme. The best one is Rain Of Blessings. I'm telling you, it'll change your goddamn life. Not really. I actually feel worse than ever. Oh, wait, The Office! I can't STAND The Office! I hate all that overdone, dead-pan humor. I admit, it was funny at first, but how long are they gonna milk that shit? And the camera work. It gives me a fucking headache. I hate 30 Rock too. Modern Family? Yeah, I can sometimes stomach it. But, of course, my favorite thing of all to watch on television is CMT. It never fails me. God, I love that shit!

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