THE T-SHIRT INCIDENT

Yeah, he just came right up to me all pissed off and he goes, "Dude, why would you wear that shirt?" Oh, man, you should've seen this fucker. He was just this great big overgrown fuckin' baby. I bet he's never had sex with a chick who wasn't completely ashamed of herself. I don't know, he was probably 26 or 27 years old? He was fucking huge, like six three or six four and maybe 270 or 280 pounds. He had been talking loudly, trying to let everyone know that he had been a soldier. But I bet he wasn't even. I bet he was just in the National Guard, you know. Either way, I'm sure he didn't see much while he was over there. There was just nothing to him, he was just this big fat pasty blob of nothing. I actually heard him say something earlier about going to see System Of A Down. I mean, Jesus Christ! Seriously, that's the one thing with people that I can't get over, that I can never forgive, if they listen to shitty music. I have no idea what it is about it. I mean, hell, man, you can be a Republican or you can be one of those fucking assholes that drive up the mountain in their goddamn 4X4s and shit. I have friends that drive fucking sports cars and ride goddamn Harleys. I have a few friends on here (Facebook) that work for big oil companies and even one that used to work for fucking Monsanto. I'm just saying, I'm a very forgiving person. I even have a friend who just had all these little pieces of wood engraved at the same studio I had my pieces done at, and the little fucker burned Lou Reed quotes in 'em and put 'em up all around town. I mean, I can't tell you how many people have come up to me, asking me if they were mine. But aside from that, aside from the embarrassment of anyone thinking they were mine, I couldn't care less. I actually enjoy being ridiculed. I love being mocked and attacked. But anyway, back to the dude, I said, "What?" And then he said, "Terrorist Are People too?! What the hell kind of shit is that? I don't understand. That shit's not cool. Why would you wear a shirt like that?" It was then that I looked down from those two empty eyes buried in that fat disgusting face. That's what he looked like, he looked like a potato, like a boiled potato. And so I looked down and saw that he was wearing a goddamn Abrecombe & Fitch sweatshirt. I mean, I'm talking one of those ones with the goddamn logo across the chest. I mean, seriously, I would rather walk around in a godamn bunny outfit than wear something like that. It really makes you wonder about a person. I'm not sure if I could ever be friends with someone who wore a shirt like that. I mean, they'd REALLY have to redeem themselves in other ways. Anyway, I looked at this poor bastard, at this happenstance of a creature, and without any expression, I pointed at his shirt and I said, "Why the hell would you wear a shirt like that?" He looked at me, baffled. "Seriously, man," I said, "I'm really curious, why the hell would you wear something like that? You realize, you're the one wearing a lie, right? He looked around for a second, then he looked back at me. I waited for him to say something else. I could see it in his eyes that he had just realized he had stumbled into something which he had not the capacity to comprehend. He sort of smiled and shook his head. "Whatever, man," he said as he walked away.