AN ENVISIONING OF DOUG (MY BROTHER) AND I AT THE BAR IF HE MAKES IT HERE NEXT WEEKEND LIKE HE SAYS AND I AM ABLE TO TAKE OFF WORK

"Dude, I can't believe you wrote that shit in a poem! Mom never tried to cut off one of her titties."

"Yeah she did!"

"No she didn't. I'm telling you. I don't know where you got that from."

"Hmmm, really? I coulda sworn she did. Let's call her when we get home."

"(Haha) Alright."

"Man, everything's just so fuckin' fucked up. I don't know. I mean, how the hell does anyone do this shit anymore? I can't fucking do anything. Really, I can't believe things work as well as they do. Look at these fucking idiots over there by the jukebox. Watch, I guarantee you it's going to be something like Radiohead or Tool or some shit."

"I thought you liked Radiohead?"

"No, I do, sort of, but I would never like play that shit in here."

"Dude, that bartender's pregnant."

"Yeah."

"Man, that's fuckin' sad."

"Yeah, I guess. I don't know, everything's sad..."

"So you're just done modeling?"

"Yeah, it looks that way."

"But you could go back if you wanted?"

"Probably, but it would be a fuckin' feat... Hey, remember when I had that big ring around my penis?"

"(Haha) Yeah. What the fuck WAS that?"

"I don't know. Dad didn't even take me to the doctor."

"No, he called Dr. Holman. He said it was something common."

"Have you ever heard of anything like that?"

"(Haha) No."

"Yeah, you guys just stood there, looking at me in the tub. You pointed at my penis and you went: "Is it always that small?"

"(Haha) I DID?"

"Yeah, and then Dad laughed too. Dude, I was like 7 or 8 years old. Mom was like dying in some hospital somewhere."

"She wasn't dying."

"Yeah she was! That's when she had that infection. They were gonna cut off her leg."

"No, dude, that happened later. She was just depressed then."

"Really?"

"Yeah. (Haha) But that is some funny fuckin' shit. It looked like you had a donut stuck around your penis."

"I know (Haha). Hey, you know, I Googled rectal slough the other day. Isn't that what Dad said it was called when he shat his asshole out."

"(Haha) I don't know. Man, I can't believe that fucker shat his asshole out!"

"I KNOW! But there's no term, rectal slough."

"There isn't?"

"No."

"(Haha) Didn't he drive himself to the emergency room?"

"(Haha) Yeah."

"(Haha) Oh, man, fuck."

"Dude, look at these fuckin' people in here. I mean, what the fuck, man? I got this new problem these days."

"What?"

"It's like whenever I'm talking to someone, I just start thinking about all these things. Like say I'm talking to some dude I know at the grocery store or something, just normal shit, ya know. I'll start envisioning him jacking off or wiping his ass you know, bringing it up and smelling it..."

"(Haha) What? You're fucked up!"

"No, man, it's like fucking debilitating. I mean I literally can't be around people without constantly trying to envision what their dicks and pussies look like. I mean you gotta like talk to people about all this fuckin' bullshit but then we're all so fucked up. I mean people piss on each other and lick each other's assholes and shit. Women drink cum and then they kiss their children. Think about what men do when they're left alone. They get on some porn site and they whimper and moan. They finger their own assholes and jack off into the sink or into a dirty sock they found on the floor. I mean people must cry like little fucking babies when they're left alone. We're not fit for this world. But then everyone holds down these stupid fucking jobs and they pay their mortgage and file their goddamn taxes and shit. You gotta go the dentist and get your eyes checked and shit. Like I had to go reregister the fucking car the other day. I mean, Jesus fucking Christ. You gotta go stand in line with all these goddamn creatures. It's a fuckin' hell on earth. I just don't get it. You'd think people would lose it more. You'd think people would be blowin' their goddamn heads off left and right. I don't get it. We should be stepping over bodies every time we walk down the fucking street."

"(Haha) Fuck, dude."

"I mean it, man."

"(Haha) I know you do! That's what's so fucking funny!"

"Do you think I'm that far off? People think I'm fuckin' crazy. I mean they just dismiss me like that."

"No, I don't. It IS that fucked up. It's just that you say it."

"Oh, fuck."

"What?"

"It's Dylan. Those fuckers played Dylan."

"Oh yeah."