Wednesday, September 28, 2016

DAILY CONFESSIONS (And please feel free to join in on the fun, folks!) I once got caught by a roommate somewhere while I was walking around the apartment, saying, "Pussy! Pussy!... Pussy! Pussy! Pussy!" Over and over again. We nearly bumped into each other in the hallway. I thought I was all alone but he had been in the bathroom. "What are you DOING?" he asked. "I don't know," I said. And I didn't. I STILL don't know why I do that whenever I do it, whenever that sort of madness takes over me. Wait, that's right! It was Miami. I was in Miami.
DAILY CONFESSIONS I know everyone's tired of hearing about my little hernia operation from a while back, but I gotta say, it was truly the single most enjoyable event that has happened to me in my entire life. It was more relaxing than my private suit in that posh hotel in the mountains of Venezuela. I probably ordered $500 worth of room service my day off. I spotted monkeys and colorful birds in the trees while I sipped wine in my hot tub on my private deck. It was better than dining with that sweet family on their ancient little farm in the rocky, rolling hills of Italy. I swear, that little boy looked EXACTLY like Gordy does now. But I guess it did get pretty uncomfortable when the man's buck toothed wife started rubbing my thigh under the big, wooden table. I tell ya, it was better than Paris, better than the Caribbean. I've never topped out on a climb feeling more victorious and alive. I've never painted a painting or made an art piece or written a mass of words that could ever come close to that sort of glorious satisfaction. I think I'll do real good when the time finally arrives that this world decides to take my stupid body back. I always knew I had some sort of calling, some sort of gift.