WONDERFUL READING I DISCOVERED ON SOME DEPRESSED AND SUICIDAL ONLINE FORUM:

I'm going insane I think Postby fluke30 » Thu Mar 15, 2012 11:15 pm 95% of the time I'm just existing, relaxing, living inside my head. I'm completely at peace with everything and the universe around me. And then some days I get this intense urge to do something. I keep trying to find anything to associate this urge with. Anything, but I'm not doing anything. The schizoid part of me just has so much control and is so rational that it just solves all my problems. But I'm going to snap. I need something to do. Just Existing Is Driving Me Insane!!!!!!!!! Last week I saw this girl and I just instinctivley went up to her to ask her out, no thoughts, just was gonna do it, but then my friend said, leave that girl alone, so I just said I was going in the same direction towards the chocolate part of the store. I used to be like this before I was 12, just doing things, being a fun person, then a voice appeared in my head that said "Think about what you do before you do it". I can understand that it was a good voice and all. But a tiny part of me wants to break, go insane. We don't live in a world of reality, we live in a world of perceptions. ~ Gerald J. Simmons User avatar fluke30 Consumer 6 Consumer 6 Posts: 404 Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2012 10:55 pm Local time: Sat Jun 27, 2015 2:38 am Blog: View Blog (0) Top ADVERTISEMENT Top Re: I'm going insane I think Postby coldplayer » Thu Mar 15, 2012 11:23 pm Been there, done that, got the t shirt. Life is so mundane and boring for me. Just awfully repetitive and dull. A whole bunch of nothingness. Most of the time I am content and then once in a blue moon I have these moments where I get so ######6 tired and bored of being tired and bored!!! Its so frustrating! Did you really hear a voice though? :shock: coldplayer Consumer 6 Consumer 6 Posts: 259 Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2012 10:23 am Local time: Fri Jun 26, 2015 9:38 am Blog: View Blog (0) Top Re: I'm going insane I think Postby ALostAlien » Thu Mar 15, 2012 11:28 pm lol ''Leave that girl alone'' SILLY LITTLE PRICK :lol: , i feel like this too a lot, i feel depressed from it too :cry: DX- Bipolar disorder, Antisocial,Schizoid,Narc Traits. ALostAlien Consumer 6 Consumer 6 Posts: 278 Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2012 9:12 pm Local time: Fri Jun 26, 2015 2:38 pm Blog: View Blog (0) Top Re: I'm going insane I think Postby Solitarian » Thu Mar 15, 2012 11:43 pm Me too. All I wanna do is nothing, and it isn't any fun. I used to watch tv shows, but they're just too slow, predictable, repetitive, and lame. I find myself fast forwarding through the emotional scenes, and the slow parts. I'll even jump 5 seconds forward when someone is merely walking into a building and I'm too impatient to wait for them to get there. I skip through books as well, I just want to get to the point. I guess I feel like I just want to get to the point of life. I'm not sad or depressed, just stagnant. I'm most content when I simply ignore my situation. I sound more miserable then I am. Did your friend not want you to talk to the girl because he knows you'd be no good for her? That's kind of how I feel about myself. I don't want to be with anyone, but I know if I were, I couldn't give them what they need to be happy. They wouldn't make me happy either. I wish life had more meaning or at least more to do. Why don't I just run away? I could travel the world and see what's out there. I could explore and live off of what I find and the kindness of strangers. I could steal a ship, and just sail away, become a pirate and never apologize to anyone. Everyone's lives are so 2 dimensional these days. No variety, no excitement, no adventure. Criminals have all the fun. User avatar Solitarian Consumer 6 Consumer 6 Posts: 271 Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2012 3:12 am Local time: Fri Jun 26, 2015 2:38 pm Blog: View Blog (0) Top Re: I'm going insane I think Postby fluke30 » Thu Mar 15, 2012 11:49 pm I've never been able to make a single decision in my life. So I generally look at life from the perspective of so many different people and now I'm out of people. And I have to make decisions, and I don't know what to do. No one has ever told me what to do or who to be. Ever supported me or influenced me. I have such a head ache. Everyone around me seems real, they look sound and smell so real. But I'm just not there. I don't know where I am. I'm not anybody. I'm just existing and I need to be someone. Also I think I'm narcoleptic, I don't fall a sleep during the day but I really want to. Solitarian wrote: Me too. All I wanna do is nothing, and it isn't any fun. I used to watch tv shows, but they're just too slow, predictable, repetitive, and lame. I find myself fast forwarding through the emotional scenes, and the slow parts. I'll even jump 5 seconds forward when someone is merely walking into a building and I'm too impatient to wait for them to get there. I skip through books as well, I just want to get to the point. I guess I feel like I just want to get to the point of life. I'm not sad or depressed, just stagnant. I'm most content when I simply ignore my situation. I sound more miserable then I am. Did your friend not want you to talk to the girl because he knows you'd be no good for her? That's kind of how I feel about myself. I don't want to be with anyone, but I know if I were, I couldn't give them what they need to be happy. They wouldn't make me happy either. I wish life had more meaning or at least more to do. Why don't I just run away? I could travel the world and see what's out there. I could explore and live off of what I find and the kindness of strangers. I could steal a ship, and just sail away, become a pirate and never apologize to anyone. Everyone's lives are so 2 dimensional these days. No variety, no excitement, no adventure. Criminals have all the fun. I think my friend just wants me to himself, not in a homosexual fashion, but he wants me to be his... And being a pirate would be awesome!!! We don't live in a world of reality, we live in a world of perceptions. ~ Gerald J. Simmons User avatar fluke30 Consumer 6 Consumer 6 Posts: 404 Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2012 10:55 pm Local time: Sat Jun 27, 2015 2:38 am Blog: View Blog (0) Top Re: I'm going insane I think Postby coldplayer » Fri Mar 16, 2012 12:07 am fluke30 wrote: I've never been able to make a single decision in my life. So I generally look at life from the perspective of so many different people and now I'm out of people. And I have to make decisions, and I don't know what to do. No one has ever told me what to do or who to be. Ever supported me or influenced me. I have such a head ache. Everyone around me seems real, they look sound and smell so real. But I'm just not there. I don't know where I am. I'm not anybody. I'm just existing and I need to be someone. Also I think I'm narcoleptic, I don't fall a sleep during the day but I really want to. Your words really resonate with me. Im so indecisive about everything as well. Probably because I dont care about much and because I am so anhedonic, nothing really inspires me to do anything. Its like hmmm... what to do today? Blah or meh. :| I always say I "exist" vs. living as well. Im much more of a perceiver of life than a participant. I can only complain about it to an extent because it is not as if I feel a drive to do something. Life is so stagnant. Its like this world was created without a niche for me. -- Thu Mar 15, 2012 7:08 pm -- Solitarian wrote: I wish life had more meaning or at least more to do. Why don't I just run away? I could travel the world and see what's out there. I could explore and live off of what I find and the kindness of strangers. I could steal a ship, and just sail away, become a pirate and never apologize to anyone. Everyone's lives are so 2 dimensional these days. No variety, no excitement, no adventure. Criminals have all the fun. I wish life had more meaning too. I always fantasize about trekking the world, but its so costly and I really don't want to be forced to engage with strangers to survive. coldplayer Consumer 6 Consumer 6 Posts: 259 Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2012 10:23 am Local time: Fri Jun 26, 2015 9:38 am Blog: View Blog (0) Top Re: I'm going insane I think Postby Mr.Pokeylope » Fri Mar 16, 2012 12:45 am Yeah, life is a bore. I don't want to rush it, but if I'm dying I don't want any life prolonging procedure to be performed. I just want to be done. Two's A Crowd User avatar Mr.Pokeylope Consumer 3 Consumer 3 Posts: 76 Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2011 8:18 pm Local time: Fri Jun 26, 2015 2:38 pm Blog: View Blog (0) Top Re: I'm going insane I think Postby fluke30 » Fri Mar 16, 2012 1:48 am coldplayer wrote: fluke30 wrote: I've never been able to make a single decision in my life. So I generally look at life from the perspective of so many different people and now I'm out of people. And I have to make decisions, and I don't know what to do. No one has ever told me what to do or who to be. Ever supported me or influenced me. I have such a head ache. Everyone around me seems real, they look sound and smell so real. But I'm just not there. I don't know where I am. I'm not anybody. I'm just existing and I need to be someone. Also I think I'm narcoleptic, I don't fall a sleep during the day but I really want to. Your words really resonate with me. Im so indecisive about everything as well. Probably because I dont care about much and because I am so anhedonic, nothing really inspires me to do anything. Its like hmmm... what to do today? Blah or meh. :| I always say I "exist" vs. living as well. Im much more of a perceiver of life than a participant. I can only complain about it to an extent because it is not as if I feel a drive to do something. Life is so stagnant. Its like this world was created without a niche for me. Everything I'm doing is fading into the background, talking, eating, walking. It's becoming so easy and predictable. We don't live in a world of reality, we live in a world of perceptions. ~ Gerald J. Simmons User avatar fluke30 Consumer 6 Consumer 6 Posts: 404 Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2012 10:55 pm Local time: Sat Jun 27, 2015 2:38 am Blog: View Blog (0)

OH, IT'S PROBABLY NOT THAT HARD

All you gotta do is create what the Gods could only hope to create. Like the other day, I had this image of Philip Guston singing Johnny Cash to me: "Don't take your plums to town, son, leave your plums at home, Phil."

What would the combined volume of the collected daily ejaculate of all the men on earth be?

The following is from a forwarded email. This is what passes for comedy in the elevated world of right-winged American thought. I included my response afterwards:

Dear Abby, My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job 14 years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot the bull with his buddies, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me, and even hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do? Signed: Clueless Dear Clueless: Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman! You don't need him anymore! You're running for President of the United States. Act like it. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "A prime example of the absolute failure of all right winged comedy. I mean, seriously, I'm game for something good, but it never arrives. And there was such great fodder in that concept too. Any half ass weekend comedian could've done nearly anything with that. The art/music/comedy gap is mindbogglingly absurd. Dylan, John Prine, Lucinda to who? Kenny Chesney? Foxworthy, Larry The Cable Guy, to Louis C.K. or Larry David! Bruce Nauman or Cindy Sherman to… well, hmmm… Actually, I don't think there are any solid artists in your world. I just don't think they exist. Which is most interesting. Yes, when it comes to elevated thought, the right winged mind is like a sad, old woman, trying to be sexy. There's just no getting around a nasty heap of pubic fat. Stick to football, BBQ, and landscaping. GO BERNIE! Phil."

SOMETIMES

The best thing you can possibly do is eat a goddamn hot dog.

HIGHER LEARNING

Life IS failure, honey. People say you learn more from your enemies. I say, fuck that. Having enemies is child's play. You learn MOST from your victims.

Fwd: Disturbing exhibit with profanity and a dildo in the gallery space, empty beer and wine bottles, exposed food

Got a wonderful email forward to me this morning. I am so thankful to be sharing studio space with such brave, powerful, "artists"! "Opened food"? I think I left 3 cookies and maybe a dozen cheese balls in a plastic bowl because I had to rush home with Gordy who was running a 104 fever with Coxsakie. I am the one who is offended! And I am certain that these children and parents and people she speaks of are the precise people that SHOULD see my art. GO COWARDS! Anyway, here it is! Enjoy!: "...Do you have Phil's email address and phone number? He set up an exhibit Saturday that he said would be up just for the weekend. I told him I teach children here and asked him if it would be down by Tuesday, which is when my first kids class is this week (I have a very conservative adult coming tonight for lessons ). He said yes. I am hopeful that he will take care of this within the next 24 hours, but I arrived today to no Phil, and empty beer cans and wine bottles, as well as opened food, left out in the gallery space, all art still up. We know there is a problem with mice. I teach children from ages 6 to 12 and know that many of them would be disturbed by this work. This is not a show their parents would choose to take them to. Some of the parents hang out in the gallery space to chat or get work done while their children have lessons with me. I am quite certain they will not be happy if this art, and the empty beer bottles, are still there come tomorrow. It is imperative that I get in touch with Phil to confirm that he cleans the space and also takes the offensive art down before my class tomorrow."