Thursday, September 13, 2012

More Advice From Dr. Ely Wootenflaurt:


Like ·  ·  · 7 minutes ago via mobile · 

  • Philip Bram If you're ever vacationing on a beach somewhere and you get the feeling that you're about to be attacked by a group of large men in gorilla suits, before you wind up suffocating at the bottom of that dogpile, trust your instincts, be preemptive, get your ass down there immediately and position your arms in such a way that creates a fine pocket of air between your face and the sand. Don't worry how it looks. If they don't come and someone asks you what the hell you were doing, just deny it. Tell them THEY'RE crazy.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

The End Of It

I awaken to sunlight
and that sweet little
voice downstairs
laughing about a "fauwt"
I lie there thinking how
it always unfolds
the people of this world
and what they do with it
I suppose I'm just tired
tired of the same ingredients
those same damn ingredients
being boiled down to a paste
I rise up and put my feet down
another day lit like a fuse
another me at the end of it





Skeet Giddens on getting his new cell phone stolen on 911:

"Awe, man, it was fucking horrible! I finally succumbed and bought the damn thing the day before. I was at a bar on 3rd Ave, drinking beer and watching the parade of zombies stagger up the street. I mean, you've seen the footage, all those people covered from head to toe in all that white shit. The smell was fucking hideous. That's what people forget to talk about. Never on earth has there been such a smell. Anyone who lived through it will be smelling that shit till the day they die. Anyway, all I know is I had it on the bar and then it was gone. Still to this day, I can't stop thinking about it. You never forget shit like that. I mean, who the fuck would do such a thing?"

Skeet Giddens, 9/11/12

‎"Shit, man, are you fucking kidding me? It's the pretense, right? I mean, I can hardly look at anyone anymore without giggling. The obviousness is incredible. Holograms flickering. To say they fail to see the full spectrum is like saying the line fails to be a circle. Hey, ya know, I still feel for them. I really do. But no more than I feel for anything else really. It's a total lack of imagination. That's what humanity is and that's what makes it so potent. Everything existing in spite of something else, in spite of everything else. The modern man has about the efficiency of a hundred elephants. And what do we even get out of this shit anymore? Another Clint Eastwood movie? Another Olympics? Another goddamn Superbowl? It's the anniversary of 911 again. Oh, shit, really? No thanks. I'll feel what I feel when I feel it." Skeet Giddens, 9/11/12

Thursday, September 6, 2012

FB RANT, 9/6/12


‎"I love you, man!"
"I love you too, brother."
"I'm serious, man, I feel like we've gone through life, soaking up the same sort of shit. "
"Yeah, now we're just two wet rags flung against a wall."
 ·  ·  · 56 minutes ago · 
    • 53 minutes ago · 
    • Philip Bram hey, that's it! THAT'S the title of my novel, FLUMP!
      53 minutes ago ·  · 2
    • Philip Bram or FLOOMP? PLOOMP? THLOOMP? ah, fuck it. who the hell reads novels anymore anyway?
      49 minutes ago · 
    • Philip Bram If only I could write like Matt Hutchins cooks! and dances.
      48 minutes ago · 
    • Philip Bram IF only I could write like John-Anthony Gargiulostares in disbelief at whatever happens to be in front of him.
      47 minutes ago ·  · 1
    • Philip Bram If only I could write like Chip Schwartz's beard!
      46 minutes ago · 
    • Philip Bram If only I could write like Dalton fills the crotch of his fancy pants. come on, we all notice.
      45 minutes ago ·  · 2
    • Philip Bram If only I could write as good as it feels to write if only I could write like such and such while I drink too much coffee!
      43 minutes ago ·  · 1
    • Trisha Bunce Two wet rags soaked in shit, no less.

      Sflumph.
      43 minutes ago · 
    • Philip Bram If only I could write like the sound of two wet rags soaked in shit flung against a wall!
      42 minutes ago ·  · 1
    • Philip Bram If only I could write like Rob Penner asks for an olive!
      42 minutes ago · 
    • Philip Bram If only I could write like Mike Burdge points at me in his FB profile pic!
      41 minutes ago · 
    • Trisha Bunce I'm still stuck on the crotch of Dalton's fancy pants. Slow down.
      41 minutes ago ·  · 1
    • Philip Bram If only I could write in a way that would capture my confusion and bafflement of knowing so many people on here that seem absolutely content and think that I am the one who is fucked up!
      40 minutes ago · 
    • Kelly Donlan i love the morning
      40 minutes ago · 
    • Mike Burdge ‎"Fuck you. If anyone in this shithole city gave two tugs of a dead dog's cock about Truth, this wouldn't be happening." - Warren Ellis
      39 minutes ago ·  · 1
    • Philip Bram If only I could write the way it feels to be 41 years old and you know absolutely nothing and never have and never will and sounds have become weapons and goddamn voices are everywhere always and always too loud and too wrong and the mere sight of anything is enough to tell you anything you will ever need to know and that is that there is nothing you need to know but to suffer and you suffer because you love and nothing else.
      36 minutes ago ·  · 2
    • Philip Bram If only I could write the way it feels to slowly pluck out an exceptionally long fat and completely intact stray eyebrow hair!
      33 minutes ago ·  · 1
    • Philip Bram If only I could write the way pussy is housed! you see, it is never the thing itself we are after.
      27 minutes ago · 
    • Philip Bram If only I could write the way it always felt whenever I used to hang out in Steve Walls's studio while he painted strange and wonderful madnesses through the night while Sarah Walls worked that horrible work, while his two lovely children slept and I would step out and piss in his yard and think to myself, now THAT'S an artist! THAT's a man!
      23 minutes ago ·  · 1
    • Philip Bram If only I could write the way Hank Chinaski feels too much to belong in this world and that is why he is spit out and chewed up and no, I DID mean it in that order!
      21 minutes ago · 
    • Philip Bram If only I could write the way I know Lacky Harkins really just longs to cut loose and be silly and if he only knew, I mean, REALLY knew, I bet he would have more fun than anyone. And, you know, he can still be a cop. I don't see any problem with that. I'm not talking about doing anything wrong. just cutting loose and being silly.
      18 minutes ago · 
    • Philip Bram If only I could write the way Robert Littlejohnconfuses me more than I've ever been confused. I'm serious, I am totally at a loss at where you're coming from, brother. I think we need to go camping sometime, just the two of us. for like a fucking week or something.
      16 minutes ago ·  · 1
    • Philip Bram If only I could write the way my sister, Becky Bram, laughs when she really gets going and falls on the floor. man, it's been a long time since I've seen that!
      15 minutes ago · 
    • Philip Bram If only I could write they way everyone I know would react if I were to dig out my box, nay, boxes, of all the humiliating shots I have done throughout my nearly twenty years modeling. I'm talking naked and covered head to toe in silver body paint while flexing! I'm talking dancing with hair extensions while dressed in 19 century garb and holding a sparkler for some reason! I'm talking standing on a boardwalk in nothing but a thong and flexing again! I'm talking even videos while I sat on a Harley with my shirt off! I'm talking pouting head on at the camera with lipstick on! It truly is endless, the humiliation I have faced and endured. how can there be no justice? how can there be no redemption. yes, I think I was right, I'm just a shit soaked rag flung at a wall.
      10 minutes ago · 
    • Philip Bram If only I could write the sound of Paul Reedlanding barefoot upon the concrete edge of a pool after jumping off the roof of Alisha Kegley Pate's house and seeing me there beneath him in the water and not being able to stop so you just sort of did what he had to do. did I ever thank you for that, brother, for not just opting to land on my head? If not, really, man, thank you! you've always been a true friend, it all truly in the pudding. oh, wait, strike all of that! If only I could write the sound of you screaming bloody murder the next day while your father worked on your heals!!!!!!
      5 minutes ago · Edited · 
    • Philip Bram and to finish because a grown man with responsibilities can't seriously just sit on a couch all morning writing if only he could write: If only I could write the way my sweet little boy looks at me and laughs, or capture the way my heart breaks every time when he says, "I love you, daddy," looking up with those innocent little eyes when the world around us is so goddamn mean and I've never been more scared in my life for at some point he will surely have to become a part of it.